Demon Nachos

2007-06-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

2007-06-09T23:47:00.000-07:00

2007-06-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

2007-06-08T20:37:00.001-07:00

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2007-05-15T10:54:00.001-07:00

2007-05-14T09:54:00.001-07:00

2007-05-13T08:56:00.001-07:00

2007-05-11T11:14:00.001-07:00

2007-05-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

2007-05-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

2007-05-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

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2007-05-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Cory (thursday)

2007-05-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

Isn't is so cool that we are bff again? I'm happy. You know I barely talked to you for 3 years, that was retarded. So, I think I found some really sick costumes for your birthday.

Rad, right? John and Karina I think might be good candidated for this look. Or maybe eveyone should wear these and you, since its yr special day, should wear THIS:

I don't know what the fuck it is, but I LOVE it. I am obsessed with it.

gangster

2007-05-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

gangster

2007-05-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

gangster

2007-05-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

gangster

2007-05-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

Cory

I think Chris Peel should be a chicken nugget but I have't found that costume yet.

Deer Heads

2007-05-09T12:36:00.001-07:00

These are the closest thing I could find to those thai deer heads I want so bad, and these shits are 49.99 + $12 shipping on ebay. What the hell? Still theyre rad aren't they? God I wish I could get a job pissing on some old rich guys chest and have him just fill up my bank account and pay the rent and stuff. Ahh, dare to dream.

Random

2007-05-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

classic rock makes the day way better They are playing Yes right now, I love it! This job is awesome. I'm at the Drive radio station again. I get to be here all week. Today they played some great Queen songs and Fleetwood. These dudes were just leaving for lunch and one of them goes, "Lets get chinese. I really want some sushi." Speaking of retards, this office is in the John Hancock so they do tours to the top floors and whatnot, and when i was going out for a cigarette I saw a huge special ed posse. I almost started fucking crying. One of them was transfixed by the escalator, and I was trying to go up it, and one of the kid's commrads was like, "Get out of the way, let the lady by" (in that voice you know, like The Other Sister). Lady.
Theres this DJ here who is like at least 55 and I keep flirting with him, which is soooo weird of me. I don't know why I'm doing that! First of all, he is not hot. I don't like old dudes, at all. Some people have that "daddy" shit. I do not. Even like George Clooney, I can appreciate that he's good looking, but w/ him its more about steez and besides all that I would never get down with him or anything. I think he would be a great boss, or somebodys rad uncle that would let you use his boat for the weekend or something but no way. I don't even flirt with people I've liked. This behaviour must just be an attempt to entertain myself. Yesterday this dude was wearing a shirt with a skull on it midlife crisis style sort of but not as bad as it sounds and I was like, "I like your shirt!" in an enthusiastic voice. How weird is that. Oh god and I can't believe this weirdness from yesterday. So I get on the train to go to Pleasure Chest and the bitch is PACKED. I am standing next to this like sort of hot guy. He had good style but bad sunglasses and a beard, which I love. Well the shit was so packed that we were damn near in an embrace, but I kind of liked it. I pretended to hate it though. That is so embarrassing!

Dear Cory,

2007-05-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

This thing is stupid. When i put photos on here they cut off half of them. Like the other guy's elbow is a peace sign, and you can't harldy see the red faced dude sitting in a wagon holding a turkey. I'm bummed! The hover board thing FULL OF BLOOD is the most insane thing ever. You won't have to get me a Tom Cruise mask becasue I will get plastic surgery to look like him before I come. I 'm so excited. You need to get an airconditioner do I don't have to return to chicago in a body bag. I'm going to have an aneurysm if I have to wear shorts. Text me later!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Day in Paradise

2007-05-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

So yeah. I was nearly running behind this guy to try to get a picture. I didn't want the dissapointment of not having my camera ready like I had a few hours earlier when I missed a great shot of a girl dressed up FULLY to match her American Girl doll. She and her mom were both carrying additional American Girl bags. The reason I wanted a photo so bad was cos the girl was either a giant or way too old do be doing that shit. But anyways, I was redeemed (is that the right word) when I saw this hot piece of shit. Theres a PEARL JAM tattoo amongst that mess. And a money symbol. This was on the way to the train, where I was too late on yet another photo-op of a dude in a Jack Daniels baseball cap and sweats amd a tshirt that said "What would Yoda do?" on it. I don't understand that. What WOULD he do? I'm not hating, its just not that clear to me. Like what would jesus do? is trying to make people really moral or something but what is Yoda's deal even? Yoda is that thing thats like greenish with ears and wears a robe right? What would he do?

So this thing is up in the mall I work at. Look how fucking RED this dude's head is! Imagine this photoshoot, seriously. And people treat me like a piece of shit cos I work at a movie theater. Well at least I have my motherfucking dignity. If the repugnant atmosphere and weak ass overpriced food didn't keep me out of Eatzies already, this advertisment would. Just because if you can't trust them to hire people to not insult everyone on the planet with their horrible, square senses of humor, how can they be trusted for anything? I hate Eatzies anyway cos the people that work there come up all the time for free soda (to the theater. Eatzies is downstairs from the theater) but they never give us anything for free and they are rude about it, like when they come up for soda. They'll hand us a cup and be like, "Cherry Coke". Yeah, what about it? No greeting, no nothing. Yes, the fat guy with the mutton chops was nice mostly, and I do feel bad for being probably the biggest bitch that tool has ever met. He came up one time, and I was so annoyed to be interrupted from either sitting on the counter or listening to Graham talk about Nabby or something that I was like, "Who told you you could come up here for free soda? Cos we don't get anyting for free from you guys." Then I filled up his soda and totally scoffed. Its terrible, I don't know why i'm like that. Like, I don't CARE about the soda you know. Nothing is worse than the E Works people though. E Works are these total retards that sit at a kiosk in the mall and harass people into watching movie trailers and then doing a survey, and for some reason they think they are intitled to free soda as well. My personal nemesis of this squad is who Bruno and I call "Cherry Coke", although sometimes he mixes it up and goes for a Classic Coke. Either way, he needs to be harpooned, because as far as I can tell he is about to drop dead any quick second. The dude drinks like 5 huge jumbo cokes a day. A day being a work shift, so who knows what this maniac is doing on his own turf, he probably has a high fructose corn syrup drip going straight into his bloated ass while he sits and plays Doom or whatever. Something great happened though, when Bruno and I realized that since these schmucks were not paying customers, we didn't have to be nice to them, or anything really. They could walk up and we could say, "You are the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen." What could they do, complain to the manager? YOu are taking our products for free! Not much of a case. So what I started doing from that point was giving people a different soda from what they asked for. If Cherry Coke wants a cherry coke, it looks like he's about to walk away with a root beer. Next time it will be a root beer/unsweetened iced tea mixture. Just to see if they have the goddamn nads to say anything. Its not really that much of a problem because none of them even dare approach me at this point. They wait for someone nice like Shannon to be there.
I can't believe I wrote all this without having starbucks yet.

Tuesday, fabulous

2007-05-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

whatves

I do these wretched surveys all the time because I have to kill 8 hours on a computer everyday. Of course I could read, but why would I do that. Its so boring.

Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
yes. The most insane time I did this was when I was dating a dude who lived in indiana (uh yeah) and driving back from seeing him there were NO bathrooms to stop at for like an hour and I was about to piss my pants. The 1st place I could stop was a Hooters. Well I got out of the car and couldn't make it inside, like if I uncrossed my legs by a hair i wouldve burst right there, so I had no choice but to pull down my pants and take a monster pee right infront of the lunch rush dining by the window. Whooops. Of course piss got all over my jeans so I had to change in my backseat. Mmhmm.

What's something you MUST do before you die?
Lordy. Befriend famous people and expliot them, live within driving distance from Bronwyn, pay my parking tickets, achieve the level of success that will allow me to easily afford luxury luggage and handbags, seak and destroy Scarlett Johanson, Nicole Ritchie, and Misha Barton, french kiss Andrew WK, and ride a horse under the Montana sky.

Are you single? Do you want to be?
The only point in answering this question is to passive-aggressively let someone who MAY or may not be reading this know whats up and homie don't play that way. But obviously these surveys are written by high school kids, so whatever. I understand.

What's one thing you will not eat?
Corned beef I think is possibly the worst thing on earth. I hate most meat in general, specifically ham/pig products.

What color is your underwear?
Lime green. There is this bizarre dump on Belmont that sells all this American Apparel shit for like nothing, shirts for like 5 for $10 and shit, so I got like 20 pairs of fantastic underware for $10. And we've all seen those ads, the shit is pretty hot.

When's the last time you went out of state?
California knows how 2 party

What's your birthstone?
turquoise

Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
shit no. I haven't drank milk since my mom would force me to as a kid. I have always despised it. We had these serious 70's tupperware cups that were the color of baby poop that I had to drink it out of and I remember not being able to chew my meat well and hating it as well, and then washing down half-chewed pork chops with that sick milk, heinous.

Can you hula hoop?
Oh my god, you have no idea. Olympics mean anything to you?

Have you ever crawled through a window?
My first apartment which was the biggest little dump on planet earth was a garden unit and one time i forgot my key. Luckily I was able to just rip off the "security" bars on the window and push the window in and crawl through. Luckily I was drunk 6 days a week and didn't give a shit if anybody could break in. What could they steal, a bunch of shitty hardcore records and a tv that worked only if you had more than 2 people in the room at certain positions and one of them had to be holding a piece of tin foil and a coat hanger directed at a 45 degree angle toward the northwest?

Any cool scars?
One that looks like a unicorn

Name an old school song you like?
what the fuck is old school? See, this shit was totally written by a teen. I like tons of "old school" music. Roy Orbison is probably my fav, or Ritchie Valens.

Do you talk to yourself?
Constantly. In public I will reason with myseld outloud, especially at the thrift store, just shit like, "No, don't be crazy. You do not fucking need another pair of zebra print Zubas. No wait, yes you do. No, god, stop it. Put them back." In private I have fake interviews with myself as if I am on Ellen or something.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I don't know. No, probably not, but not for any bad reason.

How much does your dog weigh?
i dont have a dog. but thanks....

Ever waxed your legs?
Yr lucky if i shave like twice a year, and if i do its strictly for job interviews or something.

Earrings or necklaces?
I'm like Mr T dude, there is no limit o the jewelry I will pile onto my person.

Who have you talked to most today?
noone yet. I talked to Bronwyn last night for like 3 hours. My phone bill is gonna be like a thousand dollars. A thousand dollars well spent. I'm so jealous of Canadian tv!!! Bronwyn was telling me about this show that Kelly Osbourne has where she does odd jobs in JApan and it sounds sooo good. Kelly Osbourne is so awesome. I must befriend her and Bijou.

Who's on speed dial ?
i don't have that.

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
I need to start, thats for DAMN sure ;)

Are your grades good?
Straight As biotch

Do you have any friends with benefits?
fuckin sick. That term is so Sex and the City anyway. The most i've ever had, not naming names, are a few good natured "Whoops"es.

Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson?
If he's the dude that does the song that goes "I dont wanna be anything other than what ive been trying to be lately" then no. If that is not that dude, then I don't know who the fuck that is, which I'd like to keep it that way.

Do you have a song by ozzy osborne in your library?
What a weird question. I have black sabbath records and one ozzy record but who the hell has a library? I'm not Mr. Belvedire. How do you keep ONE song in a library. Even cassingles typically have two songs at least on them.

Do you watch Family Guy regularly?
no I don't like cartoons other than old tom and jerry ones that were very lushly animated.

Have you ever watched a little kids show?
no. Maybe I'd watch the Bert and Ernie parts on Ses Street. Those bffs are so hilarious.

What is your favorite Disney movie?
Freaky Friday, both vintage and modern versions

What is your Zodiac sign?
I wasn't born on this planet so I'm not sure

What makes you feel like a kid?
Theres nothing I do that makes me feel like an adult, so, thats that...

What is your nationality?
native american, english, irish

What sport do you dislike most?
Volleyball is my worst nightmare and the only thing more boring than baseball, to both play and watch, is having to sit at a desk all day staring at the wall.

Have you ever gone scuba diving?
no

What's your favorite smell?
roses

Are you modest?
I think so because I always maintain modesty even in my personal daydreams. If I am listening to Slayer, for example, I only imagine myself playing second guitar, and never indulging in any solos. Its just not realistic.

Do you care what others think about you?
Its like I started out at the top of a very tall mountain, around the age of 7, and since then (with a brief jr high period of trying to climb back up) its been a steady rate of not caring more and more each day. Like that example? uh huh.

What do you do when your driving?
Drive a car

Do you kiss and tell?
What does this mean? Like duh, if I make out with somebody I'm totally going to tell my friends. Its hilarious. Why, are you supposed to keep it a secret?

Do you follow college football?
no

Where was the last place youwent shopping?
Claires Boutique. Got some new earrings. Pretty thrilling.

Last time you drank alcohol?
Mutiny

Favorite football team?
Bengals, Chargers

Do you watch the Olympics?
not really no. ill glance at it.. my mom watches.

The rest of the questions are a snooze. I'm out of here.

WTF

gayspace reposts, so what

2007-05-07T17:11:00.000-07:00

[A]- AVAILABLE?: no

[B]- BIRTHDAY: 3-31-79

[C] - CRUSHING?: cans of Tab and throwing them over my shoulder like I give a fuuuck

[D] - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: coffee

[E] - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: hanlon

[F] - FAVORITE MUSIC GROUP/BAND: of all time tie between cliff burton-era metallica and black flag. Right now Mastodon

[G] - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: hideos get those shits away from me. They're all hard to chew then you get that weird syrup running down the back of yr throat and everything

[H]- Home town: all over the chicago area most specifically Elburn/St. Charles

[I]- INSTRUMENT(s): that fugazi dvd is pretty good. I love the part when ian mackaye was making fun of the guy who ate the ice cream cone. Some people hate on Jem Coen cos Lost Book Found is so queer but I like Instrument. I wouldn't own it, but I'm down to watch it if somebody else wants to.

[J] - JUICE: lemonade fresh squeezed only with honey

[K] - KILLED SOMEONE: um no

[L] - LONGEST CAR RIDE: either 20 hours from Olympia to LA or when we drove straight through the entire state of texas and then some, both times kevin behind the wheel because he is a godamn psychopath. Both times were so fun, listenig to Public Enemy and talking our asses off.

[M] - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: whatever

[N] - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: one

[O] - ONE WISH: that drew and i would stop "losing our friends to faggotry" (that quote obviously is from drew)

[P] - PERSON WHO CALLED YOU LAST: meghan wikberg I have a platonic boner for her

[R] - REASONS TO SMILE: garfield comics, Wild Hogs, Sons of Hollywood, TV Carnage, friends, laughs, steals, deals, pizza, cute animals like goats and ducks...

[S] - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Killing in the Name Of or whatever its called Rage Against the Machine

[T] - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 8.

[U] - UNDERWEAR: leopard print rar. God, embarrassing.

[V]- VEGETABLE(S): spinich, broccoli, carrots, peppers, asparagus, artichoke, zuccini, cucumber, eggplant, squash, basically any vegetable alive I LOVE THEM!!!

[W]- WORST HABIT: smoking, justifying irrational behavior in the moment in bizarre ways

[X] - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: arm, face

[Y] - YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL: horses

[Z]- Zodiac: aries, duh I'm sure its obvious, syke

Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" border="0">
This hot shirt speaks for itself, many times. Who the fuck makes this shit? It is so crazy.

And this. Who would wear this and why? I want a psychological profile. But 1st I want a psychological profile of the person who wrote this, then one of the person who chose the font, then one of the person who approved it to go into production, THEN one of the buyer for the store that carried it, THEN one of the person who finally bought it. I want full biographies on each of these people.

The expression on this tiger's face is so bizarre. Its not flattering. It looks miserable.

I'm so tired. My friend came over and we watched Mac and Me. Jeezous kerist. Tomorrow I go to work at a law firm doing google serches on people. Its gonna be tight I can already feel it. Booyahkasha.

falling down

I know everybody thinks it awesome to not have to do anything at a job and watch tv. Homies, its torture. I know, it sounds crazy. All work sucks, but I like to be moving. Hanging clothes at goodwill was rough for sure, but it felt good, I didn't end up feeling like a lump of turds at the end of the day. Whatever.

It was raining the other day and this dude fucking wiped out so bad on the bus. It was insanity. First of all, he looked like a grownup version of the black kid from the movie, i think its called Bad Boys? Judd knows. Its not the Will Smith one and its not the Sean Penn one. Its the one that would be on like everyday on HBO when I was like 7. I love this movie. This white suburban kid runs away from home and befriends a lil black thug kid in a fidora. I think the black kid is played by Eddie from that show with Steve Erkle. Anyways, if you haven't had the privelage of seeing this cinematic masterwork, please do yrself a major favor. Anyways, this guy looked crazy. He looked like he got out of a time machine coming from Detriot 1983. Fidora and these tacky cheap "dress" slip ons you know the kind. So he gets on the bus and fucking biffs so hard down the aisle. The trick got completely horizontal and slid all the way to the back of the bus like it was a crazy slip and slide. I of course was sitting in the back in my fav seat where you can put yr feet up on the heater. This shit was so exteme and so funny my chin was trembling and I was biting on my tongue to not laugh out loud. Of course the dude had to sit next to me and tries to talk to me! I couldn't understand what he was saying so I just went, "Yeah, I know". ???? I guess it was an adequate response to whatever the balls he really said cos he didn't give me a confused look or anything. Even still, that doesn't kill the dude in the hawaiian shirt who bit the dust going UP a set of stairs in flip flops with a pretzel in his hand and a large coke, which he did not spill. I DID witness his shirt fly up and his faintly hairy beer gut hit the landing. It was a phenominal view. Moral of the story: don't wear flip-flops.

another survey copied from sara

40 of the MOST Spontaneous Questions Ever, BE HONEST (I didn't write this part. I'm sure these are the same questions I've already answered a billion times. But I have 8 hours ahead of me and I forgot Hollywood Babylon which sara graciously lent me at the theater. Bon appetite!)

1. Where will you be in a hour?
Watching the View here at my desk. The guest is Tyra Banks!!!! That is going to be sooo good. Motherfucker has lost her MIND.

2. Who will be your next kiss?
I don't have a chrystal ball ok

3. Is there something purple within 10 feet of you?
Is this worth answering considering its a file folder?

4. Are you wearing socks right now?
No

5. When was the last time you went out of state?
I went to LA in January.

6. Have you been to the movies in 5 days?
I was cleaning theaters and watched the end of The Namesake. It seemed pretty good, but Kumar will always be Kumar to me.

7. What was the last thing you had to drink?
I'm not answering this question in a survey ever again.

8. What are you wearing right now?
Probably the most ugly outfit ever. Brown cords, a grey shirt with a short-sleeved white sweater over it and black flats.

9. What was your last purchase?
Coffee.

10. What's the last thing you wrote down?
Brittany Pisano "Platonic Boner" (for Drew) april 25, 2007 (its for my piece I made to show at Unitard May 1st? I'm not sure of the date)

11. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Lolo to finalize our lunch plans. We will probably go to one of those weird lunchonettes(sp?) in an office building

12. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
jean shorts and a danzig shirt

14. What's the last sporting event you watched?
football

15. what is in your pocket right now?
Lighter

16. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?
Waking up late in a motel in Montana, getting a coffee, driving for a long time listening to good mix tapes, going to thrift stores, and eating a good meal in a cozy restaurant.

17. What is the last thing you purchased online?
Cowboy boots

18. One thing you hate about yourself?
Being so materialistic. Part of it is that I am taken by aesthetics so I love looking at things of certain color or craft (things that are made really well, thats why I'm so obsessed with hermes and balenciaga cos the leather and craft is so pleasing--well that and the stigma, which is what I hate).

19. What's your favorite soup?
Minestrone

20. Do you miss anyone?
Too many! Right now I miss Kevin and Eddie the most.

21. Last play you saw?
A really crappy one about sexuality on the streets. (This was sara's answer. Hilarious)

22. What are your plans for the day?
Blog as much as possible, lunch with Lolo, go to the post office, go to whole foods, tag my clothes, attempt to clean my dump of an apartment

23. Ever go to camp?
Yeah yeah yeah yeah I covered this in another survey sheesh.

24. What do you want right now?
Right now I want a snack and some free time

25. Were you an honor roll student in Elementary school?
Was there an honor roll in elementary school? I know I wasn't cos I never did homework ever in my whole career as a student. I remember being like 7 and I would never do my homework and this teacher asked me what happened to my homework and I was just like staright up, "I didn't do it." No excuses, straight face. I can still see the look on her face. She was like, 'Well thank you for being honest." Yr welcome.

26. What Do You Know About The Future?
Its all uphill from here dudes. I'm kind of serious. I know everyday is a winding road, but I think the next few years might actually be good. I feel good. I'm stoked to see what happens.

27. Are you wearing cologne or perfume?
I mix lavender oil and YSL

28. Where are your best friends located?
Chicago Vancouver San Diego Los Angeles New York Nashville

31. Last person who made you cry?
Ordinary People

32. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
Yeah I'm such a REBEL.

33. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Have you ever written a survey that doesn't suck my motherfucking dick?

34. How do you like your soda?
Au natural

35. Last time you took a shower
2 days ago? Dude I hate showering.

36. What is one thing you're afraid of right now?
No Fear; No Rulez; Bad Boy Club

37. What is your mood right now?
I feel fine to be honset with you. I usually get coffee from Starbucks (i don't care that they are The Man cos they give people a lot of jobs unlike "mom and pop" places where if you aren't in Joan of Arc or whatever they won't give you a job and they for fucks sure don't give benefits, I mean whatever I can't work at Starbucks--for the good of the community really cos somebody would be leaving that piece in a goddamn bodybag I can testify to that, but yeah I go there, but today the line was too long so I went to Cosi, and the coffee was good. Although it was $2.63 as opposed to $1.93 from Sbucks cos they charge for soy at Cosi. But the coffee did its job and the episode of the View I just watched was really good. Tyra grabbed Rosies boobs and squeezed them like 20 times in a row. Even Rosie looked weirded out. Like just cos she's a lez doesn't mean she wants a beastmonster like Tyra squeezing on her tits. Freak show.

38. Are you someone's best friend?
I've taken it to an art form

39. What did you want for Valentine's Day?
Diamond tennis bracelet hidden inside a box shaped like a heart filled with coconut creme filled chocolates, a stuffed animal--preferably Ziggy or Garfield holding a plush heart embroidered with "I Love You", a carriage ride downtown, champage and caviar at the Signature Room, a dozen roses with babys breath in a huge vase with a red bow wrapped in cellophane, and "something special" from Victoria's Secret!

40. What are you doing right now?

Killing time my friends, killing time.

network tv

So like I said earlier, I have a tv at my desk and I watch it pretty much all day. I have been trying to work on some art but the old fogie I work with is always peeping on my shit and it makes me feel weird cos I'm always drawing fucked up goat heads and people with shotgun blasts to the head and crass logos and shit. I am making 2 new pieces for Sven's (May 1st I think? Los Angeles, holler back. I'll let you know the dets when I know them). God and this dude I'm working for (at channel 7 news) is sooo weird. I think he's a dickhead. Like he semed nice enough but he was introducing me to some lady, and I don' tknow how to explain it, but it was like he was saying something to me, and she intergected, and he was all, "Excuse me, don't cut me off, I was talking here" which I thought was a joke, cos he said it in a way people do that sarcastically, but he wasn't kidding. Freaks. And this bull dyke who works here is a goddamn psychopath too. Like 5 people told me I could take my lunch whenever I want, which makes sense considering I DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING here. Personally I try to take my lunch as late as possible, its just my own personal preference, but anyway, its like 1:30 and she's like, "Why haven't you taken your lunch yet?" and I'm like "I don't know" and she tells me to go, and goes as far as to look at her butch scuba-divers watch and say, "Its 1:32, so be back at 2:32." Like I don't know what an hour is. She has the most serious hockey-mom voice I have ever heard too, and I heard her say "Frunch room" about 50 times. For those who don't know, chicagoans call the "living room" ie "front room" the Frunch room. I didn't know it wasn't ACTUALLY called and spelled "frunch" until I was about 19. Anyways, she got in some insane confrontation with some ho here this morning about permits or something boring, it was kind of thrilling cos they were yelling at eachother, and that was at around 9:30 am. Its nearly noon, and the beast won't shut the fuck up about it. People really despise confrontation. So anyway, I've been watching all this TV, regualr TV, which having cable, I never need to do. I'd forfeit grocery money for cable, I swear, especially having to watch network the past 3 days. It is such trash. Except the View. So at 9 I watch Oprah. Homegirl needs to put cucumbers on those eyeballs dude, she looks like Howie's dog (a wrinkle dog) except not cute or nice. Yesterday on O Michael Bolton sang my fav song by him, How Can We Be Lovers if We Can't Be Friends? live and for some reason Russell Simmons was there and was headbanging softly to the Bolt's passionate serenade. No, this was not a weird dream I had, it really happened.

Watched Maury which I haven't seen in like 5 years. I enjoyed it. First, there was a mom who dresses like a slut and embarrasses her teen daughter. So they give her a makeover and then let the audience know an upate via text on the screen. The text explained that the mom has been dressing more conservatively, but 'May "not" be able to resist her booty shorts in the summer'. Yes that is a quote, I wrote it on a post-it note. Why is "not" in quotes? I am OBSESSED with unnecessary quotations. My most favorite I think is CAR "WASH". That one is by my house on fullerton. Another thing that happened on Maury was a paternity test revealing the baby-daddy as the girl's cousin. The fact that they are related and did the nasty was not brought up as anything sensational or out of the ordinary. But what the fuck do I know about middle america.

Jason Lee is 37 today. Its cool that he doesn't lie about his age I guess. What an old coot. I had no idea he was that old. How old is Gonz? How old is fucking Tony Hawk??? Speaking of the Rad Dad, what about at Bam's wedding when Tony Hawk was wildly headbanging in his wife's face and she looked MORTIFIED. What about how Bam had a fucking CKY logo on the sleeve of his tuxedo? He is so cool, goddamn can I get a witness.

Stevie Nicks was on Ellen. I was really excited to see it cos I do love her (Edge of Seventeen?? Shut the fuck up, that is a killer cut) and apparently I'm a homosexual, but anyways, I think she died in the late 80's and they made an animatronic version of her. She always wears the same outfit and moves around all stiff and weird, like she's doing a subtle version of the robot. Her voice sounded like she just came off a tour doing vocals for Cradle of Filth. It sounded like shit. It sounded like a thousand cigarettes, a few hundred cigars and a case of strep. Whatever. Lindsay Buckingham is on today, stoked for that. He is such a creep. He looks like he has no body hair and he's always posing with that acoustic guitar like he's 3 and its his favorite teddy bear. I wonder if it will be weird that Anne Heche was with Lindsay Buckingham before she was with Ellen. I hate myself for knowing that. Actually I don't. Like I wouldn't read Anne Heche's autobio. Please. She had a meltdown and thought aliens were chasing her and all this shit. So good.

100 things

1. Name: BP
2. Middle Name: N/A
3. Where you live: Logan Square
4. Place of Birth: Evanston
6. Age: 28
7. Car: I wish I had a '69 Camero (Black w/ Black Interior)
8. School: Old
9. Occupation: I have 3 jobs that I don't do anything at
10. Initials: BP

. :Appearance: .
12. Hair Color: Brown
13. Hair Length: Brown
14. Eye color: Brown
15. Best Feature: unibrow
16. Height: 5' 5" (?)
17. Braces: No I wish. Almost had a back brace but it looks like instead I'll just have to be a hunchback
18. Glasses: I'm blind basically
19. shoe size: 9
20. Style: pre-pubescent romanian gymnast/suburban crust/teenage boy/andrew dice clay/surfer/the sister form Diff'rent Strokes

. :Firsts : .
22. First best friend: Lana
23. First Award: I wrote a story about animals building a cristmas tree when I was like 7 that won something
24. First Sport You Joined: tennis
25. First thing you did today: Braided my hair
26. First Real vacation: What is a fake vacation?
27. First thing you said today: Hello
28. First Love: Pop songs

. : Favorites : .
29. Movie: Point Break
30. TV Show: Intervention
31. color: green
32. Rapper: Easy E
33. Place to get groceries: Its not my favorite but I pretty much only go to WF
35. Season: October
36. Candy: Chocolate covered dried cherries
38. Restaurant: La Creperie
39. Band: JFA
40. Place: Naperville River walk
41. School Subject: rhetoric
42. Animal: goats
43. Book: Franny and Zooey
44. Magazine: White Dwarf

. : Currently : .
45. Doing before you started this survey: watching the View (i have a tv at my desk here pretty sweet huh?)
46. Feeling: nothing. Dead inside temporarily.
47. Wearing: shirt pants and shoes
48. Crying about: I cried the other day when I found these muppet flashcards I had as a kid
49. Eating: Green apple mixed with raw nuts
50. Drinking: Gingerberry Kombucha
51. Talking to: myself in my head. Today I described a bus (to myself in my head) as "faggeous". What is my fucking problem?
53. Listening To: CNN news
54. Thinking about: Life's precious moments ticking away.
55. Wanting: The usual: brown mid-80s Saab, a house, a goat, fox, and miniture shetland pony, Kelly or Birkin, a garden, the Regan Youth record somebody fucking stole from my goddamn house...
56. Watching: CNN. Too lazy to turn it back to Cheaters.

. : Future : .
57. Where do you see yourself in 5 years: On a veranda in white linens and a nautical-style bikini with blonde frosted hair blown back in the sea breeze; tan; mimosa in my hand. A man in similar linens and a hairdo like Antonio Banderas comes into the scene and embraces me from behind. Then we drink our mimosas in that way where you intertwine your arms with the champagne glasses and take a drink.
58. Kids: in the Hall.
59. Want to be Married: The older I get the more sicked out by the idea of marriage and when I was a kid I thought getting married was the wosrt thing on earth, so mathematically I 'd say I am not only never going to get married, I am against it for all people in general, because it is gross, corny, and unnecessary. I am still going to Trevor's wedding on saturday though cos still, I wont hate.
60. Career in Mind: We'll see. I gotta stay free ya know what I'm saying

. : Which is Better with the Opposite Sex : .
63. Hair color: Who cares
64. Hair length: who cares
65. Eye color: who cares
66. Measurements: 2, 98, 45, 1190, 5, .67 and if you don't make the cut: 2bad 4 u!!! LOL!!!
67. Cute or sexy: Neither! Trolls only.
68. Lips or Eyes: Dang. I can't have both?
69. Hugs or Kisses: gross
70. Short or Tall: don't want
no midgets.
71. Easygoing or serious: Serious. This world is in a state of emergency in many facets. I don't need to be around any laid back lazy slugs.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: I don't know man. Not romantic, I'll say that.
73. Good or Bad: I'm not answering this gay shit
74. Sensitive or Tough: Neither?
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Neither...
77. Trouble Maker or Goody-Two Shoes: GAYEST QUESTION EVER!

. : Have You Ever : .
78. Kissed a Stranger: Yes. The most remarkable one was the dude who looked like dave grohl got put trough a meat grinder and I punched him in the face and he goes "I like that!" (That was when things escalated to the point of an almost date-rape).

(This computer fucking SUCKS. I lost these questions that are supposed to be here. PCs are so sick)

So whatever. I'm going to lunch anyways. LATER!

Lohan whats yr problem?

2007-05-07T17:09:00.001-07:00

i love this shit

LINDSAY Lohan, fresh from rehab, has been pictured taking part in a marathon cocaine binge.

Sordid snaps of her snorting the drug and shoving it up a pal's nose was taken as she and two friends crammed into a club toilet during a wild night on the town.

Then the Mean Girls star bragged to the others: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to f*** Jude Law."

Now a friend of the 21-year-old actress says she is spiralling out of control since rehab and revealed that Lohan:

SNORTED 20 lines of cocaine in ONE night alone

STRIPPED down to a thong before inhaling the drug off a coffee table

BRAGGED of wild sex sessions with a host of celebrities including singer James Blunt and model Calum Best.

The friend added: "Lindsay does not care who sees her do coke and where she does it." And she has not managed to stay off the booze either.

"She carries round a water bottle to try to fool everyone into thinking she is clean but she tips the water out and refills it with vodka and soda."

But she was caught out by a secret film made as she snorted the Class A drug at the exclusive Teddy's nightclub in Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel.

The video shows her arriving at 11pm and skulking round the toilets before creeping inside a cubicle.

Wedged inside the loo with two friends, Lohan pulls a small bag of white powder from her jeans pocket.

Booze

She dips her finger in and shoves the substance up one friend's nose before snorting some up her own.

And this was filmed just 20 days after she proudly emerged from therapy.

Lindsay, who starred with Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday, booked herself into the Â£20,000-a-month Wonderland treatment centre in Los Angeles earlier this year saying she wanted to get off booze.

She checked out after a month and was back doing drugs at a Hollywood party within a week.

Her friend said: "That night I saw her do more than 20 big lines of cocaine. She was still up doing drugs at 11am even though she had started about 8pm the night before.

"She wasn't even trying to hide it and was blatantly doing it off table tops, keys, books and in the wardrobe, where she was hunched over with her legs crossed almost bent in half doing it off some magazine on the floor.

"I remember looking at her and thinking how pathetic she looked and how out of control she had become.

"When she is on coke, which is most of the time, all the attention has to be on her.

"I have lost count of the number of times I have watched as she stripped naked in front of everyone.

"Then she loves to check herself out in the mirror as she parades around with her boobs hanging out.

"One night we had gone back to her place and, as always, as soon as she walked through the door she stripped down to her thong, bent down and snorted cocaine off her coffee table and then off her toilet seat."

But Lindsay is not only addicted to booze and drugs, she is also hooked on sex with some of Hollywood's hottest men, says our insider.

"She has told me that she has slept with James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto and James Franco," admitted the friend. <

"She loves Brits and has told me she has slept with the singer James Blunt a few times over the past month.

"The last time was on April 15 after another house party. I think they went back to a hotel together afterwards. She is very protective over him and when she heard I had met him she sent me a text saying, 'Stay away from him Bitch, he is mine.'

"Lindsay told me she has messed around with Leonardo DiCaprio a while ago too but claimed that she didn't sleep with him.

"She also flew to New York about two months ago to go to bed with Jude Law.

Last November she slept with Calum Best. She didn't tell me if he was any good but she is usually too wasted to know what is going on anyway."

Lindsay was living it up with old pal Paris Hilton at the Coachella music festival in Palm Springs last week and almost falling out of her dingy grey bra top.

In public Lindsay insists she is sober but, as our video stills show, she is still a hopeless addict and her friend claims the stint in therapy was just a stunt.

She said: "Going to rehab was all for publicity. She wanted people to see her seeking help but it hasn't got her off the drugs at all.

"In an average night Lindsay will do two and half grams of coke on her own.

"She doesn't buy it--she is given it by friends and acquaintances, and it turns her into an angry monster. I have watched many a time Lindsay treating her staff like cr*p."

Her friend is convinced that if she does not tame her wild ways she could meet a tragic end.

"That's why I'm showing this video," she added. "So the world can know what Lindsay has been doing and she can't lie about it to herself or anyone else.

whats up! I can't believe I'm doing this. Well when in rome.

2007-05-07T11:44:00.000-07:00

This blog is basically for Cory since he refuses to be on Myspace. I'll probably just repost my myspace blogs on here.
Check out this goddamn bozo. Her and her brother are serious malfunctions. They are probably what my kids would end up like if I had some.

And look at this chick trying to bite my fuckin style! Step troll! YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!!!

I'm outta here!

Gorgeous. I'm so going to do a painting of these modern goddesses. Goddessi(?) Hmm. Whatever. It will be White Hot, which is my answer to Drew's new art genre "Dry Ice" (so hot its cold). It goes, Rococo, Dada, Surrealism, Post Modernism, Pop, Dry Ice/White Hot. God that is so flippin gay.

Today was THEE shittiest ever! Oh my god! I AM WEARING MOTHERFUCKING BROOKS BROTHERS!!!! Lucky for you guys I took relentless notes all through out the day so as to not forget any shitty, retarded detail of it. I was temping at a law firm in the Sears Tower. Must be rad to have an office on the 74th floor of the like tallest building in existence with NO WINDOWS. Pretty tight. Anyways, I get to this suck fest and there are 4 other temps I was to be working with. Thank god they were all boisterous extroverts because that is my fav kind of person, especially early in the morning. They were all THESPIANS! Thespians are my kryptonite! (Thespians + Cheetos + weed = Brittany Pisano Holocaust). They were all fucking improv people too but oddly, they were not funny. Oh but don't get me wrong, they were trying. I probably came across like the surliest bitch face ever. Good. They are bastards and trolls and they can go take a hike. Anyways, we spend about 4 hours doing nothing and liksten to about 5 different people tell us how they don't know whats going on and how they're really disorganized and how the whole project we're supposed to be working on is totally stupid anyway. That was rad. There wasn't a single thing I'd rather be doing. Finally they put us in the dingiest cave on the planet where we sit at computers that are blocked from the internet for another couple hours while we wait for like 10 different people print out some addresses that we need. Then it was time for lunch. This tool thats new to chicago didn't know where he was going so I walked him to Potbellys. It wouldve been awkward if I gave a fucking shit. I just put my sunglasses on and powerwalked my goddamn ass off so I could quickly ditch him and smoke a few thousand cigarettes. On my "lunch" I made a list of things to think about that would amuse me. There were only two things on the list: A troll in sunglasses and a chimpanzee firing a gloc. Whatever. Back at the office this lady with the same hairdo as Al Pacino wearing an unfortunate sheer, horizontal striped button up who tried to cover the lightning veins on her face with about ten gallons of unsuccessful foundation was talking our asses off about Micheal Jordan (he was a client of theirs--VERY big deal. Wtf the guy is a moron and also he is so 5 minutes ago for real. Not hating. Air Jordans are cool sneaks and the dude had a mean game. I'm not saying that. But the fool is about as sharp as sidewalk chalk. I'm just as good as him at what I do, it just happens to not be a physical sport. So what? I'm not going to poorly act in hot dog commercials or anything) and the whole time I kept fantasizing about killing myself. Not a cry for help--I'm too much of a procrastinator to kill myself. Plus I'm too curious to see whats going to happen next in this weird life. Then all the other temps got into a conversation about baseball stadiums for like 4 hours. One of the kids wrote something down and this chick goes, "You're left handed? Thats so cool!" I'm sorry, is the Sears Tower on another planet and I'm the only one to not know this? All the regs in the office were serious Beetlejuice. All women, all fat. One had a voice that sounded like she was a mouse in a Disney movie, one was limping all over the place like a serious quasimodo, and this other one would not shut the fuck up even for one sweet second, "I'm hungry"; "I'm tired"; "this computer is acting all funny", etc. The only reason I didn't karate kick my computer screen and annihilate all those norms with a fucking flame thrower was because I kept repeating "You have to pay your parking tickets" over and over in my head. So I inputted addresses into an Excel spreadsheet for like 5 hours straight. I never wanted a shot of whiskey so bad in my serious life. I told them that I will not be returning tomorrow. I DID get Bill Cosby's personal address and phone number though. I copied it down for myself shamelessly.

also

I'm at Pleasure Chest and I've already sold $2000 worth of shit. I'm going to tell you guys something: people LOVE putting shit up their butts! I swear.

Anyways, I forgot to mention in my last blog that at the place today I had to cold call some lawyers and verify they recieved a certain email. This one fuckface I called was all flustered and shit and was like, "You know, I really don't have time for this. Thats life in the big city." (of course I wrote that down immediately). Are you kidding me? People say shit like that and they are serious? THATS LIFE IN THE BIG CITY??? What does that MEAN? He said it like such a priss too.

There is a couple shopping right now and they are driving me ABSOLUTELY BONKERS. They are young yuppies but like LL Bean yuppies. Not even full-blown Patagonia. LL Bean. Its like the girl one is on ecstacy and its like the guy is lobotomized. I've seen her kiss, probe, hug, squeeze, cradle, and maul this guy a thousand times in the 10 hours they've been up in this bitch and he has just stood there like a lamp post. So they finally bought their item and it turns out they are not only lovers but TWINS. And potentially mormons cos both those hos had some Donny Osmond ass teeth. Listen to how I'm talking. I read Dlisted too much! I'm talking like a serious homo. Whatever. this is just how I am; its how I'm comfortable. I got my education, shoot. I just want a little baby to love me, and I can love it, and dress it up in baby Tommy, CK, Pelle Pelle, little tiny fuckin Timbos n shit...

oh god why not

These BUTTHOLES are shopping like they are at a bazaar in gay Paree on a lazy sunday, not like they should be ie getting the heck out of here so I can smoke a freakin cigarette and take out the trash like any red-blooded american naturally would want to. Backpacks that stickout like 500 feet behind the person are SO heinous. what are you, ten? Did you shove a toy aircraft carrier and all yr legos in there for a goddamn sleepover??? I'm sorry. I'm so aggro today. You all know why though. Anyhoo. Oh god and he's wearing an Aeropastle shirt! Don't even GET ME STARTED on that brand! Death. That, Kathy Ireland, Daisy Fuentes, Croft and Barrow, Arizona Jean Company, Gap, St. Johns Bay. All just get in my motherfucking way at the thrift store.

1. Name one important person who made you smile today.
Coco. He was telling me about how his new landlord is excited he isn't vegan so they can have some barbeques. The landlord sounds HILARIOUS.

2. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
About to punch the dude sitting next to me on the train in the face. I swear he tried to cop a feel.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Ringing up a thing for a dude to put up his butt

4. What is something that happened to you in 1994?
manic panic

5. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"Have a nice night!" (Customers)

6. How many different things did you drink today?
coffee 3 times, diet rootbeer

7. What color is your hairbrush?
Wood

8. What was the last thing you bought?
diet rootbeer

9. What was the last gift you received?
Um, I got Husbands on dvd for my birthday, and a digital camera

11. Where do you keep your money?
I never have it long enough to keep it anywhere

12. What was the weather like today?
Sunny kinda cold

13. What is the best ice cream flavor?
I don't know

14. What are you excited about?
getting off work in a half hour, going to sleep, making a sweet mix tape tomorrow and going to Barneys to shop for a gift

15. What's your middle name?
Motorhead

no joke major props for the ability to wear these shitstompers. i was trying to practice wearing some (low) heels in my apartment and was in serious pain. How do people wear these things?? Is it cos I live in city and walk a lot and these dudes drive/get driven everywhere?

This photo: WOW. This sitch is my new obsession.

This is what i'm talking about in terms of young people refusing to evolve the look of punk. This is tom cruise and kidman's adopted daughter. I looked way better than this when I was 14 and i had no money and no hot topic. I couldve only dreamt of finding a ramones shirt in a size other than XXL. I will be her spiritual advisor--pro bono! Call me girl.

Watched a show last night called "Flip this House" or something where some douche who has a Hummer was gutting one of those shit squalor houses, you know, its not like horders, its like the kind with a billion cats pooing and peeing everywhere and crap EVERYWHERE like barbie heads mashed into the carpet and cinderblocks in the kitchen sink and all that. I'm obsessed with that stuff. Thats why I love COPS so much. I don't understand my taste at all. Meghan and I just watched Boondock Saints, it was good, I love movies like that, tons of gunfire and fights. I love heavy metal, and I am RIVETED by anything that exposes drug addicts or people living in filth, shit like that. I totally miss the glory days of daytime TV when Donahue and Geraldo would have like transgender teen paint huffers and KKK people and all that shit on there. I don't understand why I am intrigued by any of this shit. But oh my god, this house was sooooo sick. Cockroaches sprayed the walls with their poop. There were rats everywhere and the exterminator caught one in a trap and put his workboot up next to it to show the scale, and he goes, "This is a size 12 shoe" and the rat was BIGGER than the dude's foot. The pool had like 200 dead frogs floating in black water and they were about the size of a paris hilton dog. The carpet was so encrusted with piss and shit that they were tapping on it with a stick and it sounded like concrete. What is up with people that live like that?

nouveau

Today on my way to work I was walking behind a guy who was wearing a shirt that said "You don't have to have a good time to drink". YESTERDAY I was behind a guy with a backpack that had "fuck police" written on it in sharpie and then crossed out. I was pissed i didn't have my camera ready. Luckily last night Bernie showed me how to take the flash off, so now I can really rock the mic with some secret snapshots of all the hilarious creatures I come into contact with everyday.
Tonight is RTX at empty bottle. Of course I have to work til 11 and then rush over there because heaven forbid I should be able to request one goddamn night off so I can see the woman of my dreams (jennifer herrema). Yes, I've already bitched about this relentlessly, but I'm still pissed. It really upsets me that everyone I work with gets whatever they want off and I want to go see a lousy band on a goddamn monday night and I can't.
I took notes on Sons of Hollywood last weekend because there were so many amazing things worthy of comment, but I forgot it at home. I remember one thing was when they get to the house they are staying at Randy Spelling is like "Dude they have a Mac! Garage Band guys, Garage Band!" Wtf. They picked him up from the Spelling compound which is like the size of 5 shopping malls. The freak is excited about having access to a Mac? WHat the hell. They also picked up sean stewart from, shocking, his dads house. 1st, why do these tools live at home still? They are like the same age as me. I know they will never work, but wouldn't you want yr own place? You wouldn't have to pay for it. But anyway, they showed a little bit of the interior of Rod Stewarts house. Holy shit. Thats what it is to be legitimately rich. It is so amazing. I fucking despise nouveau riche. LIke when they have some busted asses like antonio sabato jr on cribs and homeboy is bragging about some retarded showerhead that hangs from the ceiling, its like, uh...I'm either into total aristocrasy or shithouse. Not homeless bum shithouse, but like trash style metal heads demo derby, etc. The middle class is a waste of time. And nouveau riche is just a more embarrassing version of the middle class.